A Quick Pic

Image Description: A very pregnant woman with long dark hair, a black-and-white striped shirt, and denim overalls, holds up her pink polka-dot cell phone and smiles brightly. She has a grumpy-looking bulldog on a leash and is wearing purple tennis shoes, standing in front of some metal mailboxes.

Caption: "Sandra! Hi! It's been too long! Yeah, should just be another week or two. I'm just ready to be a mom now, you know?

Terry? Oh, he's right here! I've had him on a pretty tight leash ever since I found out he was sleeping with you.

You thought I didn't know? Oh honey, you have a lot to learn, but I'll be happy to teach you. Just let me snap one quick pic—it'll be...what, twenty years before you look like that again?

That's assuming I don't make you a boy; I mean, I already have a girl on the way, and if I'm going to have twins, it might be nice to have some variety. Terry went through a similar change, and he liked it so much that he's going to have a litter of puppies!

Oh, don't look so scared. You'll spend a year on your back, waited on hand and foot. You'll love it, I'm sure.

You know, just before I changed him, Terry said he'd love to see the two of us together. Well, we'll never be closer than this!"

Commentary: I don't think of unbirthing as something I have much interest in, but I've definitely done some captions in that direction. Hmmm...

Pregnancy Wave: Sold Out

Image Description: Four pregnant women stand in a tight group. All four wear sunglasses and have long, dark hair, and three of them in ponytails. The one on the left is wearing a pink bra top and pink-and-turquoise leggings, the next wears a black sports bra and gray spandex shorts, the third has a black-and-white patterned sports bra and a pair of dark gray short shorts, and the fourth has a gray sports bra and gray shorts.

Caption: The Pregnancy Wave hit hard, transforming 80% of the population in affected areas into women at various stages of pregnancy. Simon and his pals here slept through the wave after a night of heavy drinking, so they were late to discover its first unexpected consequence: sold-out maternity clothing departments.

Needless to say, it was the last time any of them would be drinking—or sleeping through the night—for a while.

Commentary: The Pregnancy Wave is a bit of an homage to some things that Mindi Flyth has done. Hopefully I'll get to come back to it at some point!

The Forest's Flower

Image Description: A brown-skinned naked woman with long, dark hair looks back over her shoulder while standing in the branches of a tree, with the sun shining through the leaves.

Caption: Carlos had chained himself to pipelines and picketed demolition crews before, but he'd never tried something like this, not on his own. That wouldn't stop him, not when he had the chance to save this old-growth forest. He stocked up on supplies, made a statement to the media, then climbed the tree to wait out the bulldozers and chainsaws.

Seven days into the protest, his resolve was stronger than ever, but his body wasn't. He was sick, tired, dehydrated, and starving. He thought the voice was just delirium, its thanks for his service just a trick of his dying mind, but the fruits sprouting around him seemed real enough.

He plucked them, eating real food for the first time in days, letting the nectar drip down his chin. He'd never tasted anything so sweet, so rich. The more he ate, the more he heard the voices of the trees. He stripped off his clothes and let them fall like autumn leaves. His rough bark gave way to the supple skin of a sapling. His thick, stiff branches became willowy stems. His leaves grew thick and long, while his body shed patches of dark moss. Finally, where once had been a stubby twig bloomed a beautiful flower.

Men still come to the forest, sometimes with axes, sometimes with saws, but always full of rich pollen. A visit to the forest's newest flower is all that's needed to send them back to their hives. Seeds have taken root, and next spring one flower will become two or three. The forest dreams now of blooming with a thousand such flowers.

That will take many springs, but the forest knows how to wait.

Commentary: A little more poetic than I usually go, but I think the picture demanded it.